Save Me a Drink, Bellamy Blake
by Brave Princess
Summary: Clarke is gone. Bellamy reflects on their times together with a bottle of scotch for company. Clarke has left and wonders what kind of punishment she truly deserves.
1. Chapter 1

The sunset was exquisite at Camp Jaha. The sky exploding with scarlet and golden rays. After all this time Bellamy was still amazed at earth's beauty. He stood alone looking out at the tree line Clarke had disappeared into. Well, not disappeared, she had left. Something Bellamy was only beginning to truly realize.

The sun was kissing the horizon, and Bellamy no longer found the sight so beautiful. He didn't really think Clarke would come back, but part of him had hoped that if she did it would be before the sun set. Bellamy heard someone walk up to his side.

Without looking over he knew who it was. Although she had injured people to attend to, Bellamy noticed Abby walking by the entrance hoping to see Clarke make her way back. They were both fooling themselves.

"We need to go after her." Abby said with the force of a chancellor and love of a mother. "She shouldn't be out there alone."

Bellamy could hardly keep himself from flinching at her words. She shouldn't be by herself. She shouldn't have to bear all of that guilt alone. She wouldn't have let him do that. Bellamy turned to Abby and replied, "No. No she shouldn't. But Clarke's gone. She left and what could we really do to stop her?"

"You could've stopped her, she respects your opinion, Bellamy. I think even more than mine." She laughed quietly and without any humor behind it. Abby turned her face to look once more to the trees. Her eyes welled with tears.

"Do you think she'll come back? Ever?"

"I don't know. Before today I wouldn't have thought she would've left like that ever. She isn't herself. And maybe she won't ever be again." He said thoughtfully. "But I do think we will meet again, Abby. Don't lose faith in that…"

Bellamy felt his throat swell with emotions that he felt the moment Clarke had said she wouldn't come inside the camp with him. he'd rather not face them again. Not tonight. The sun had abandoned the sky. The moon shone brightly, but the darkness made everything seem more bleak than before.

The camp was celebrating behind Bellamy and Abby. Their people were back. Families reunited. The sky people together at last. There were large fires with people singing and laughing around them. Bellamy knew he couldn't celebrate after what it took to get everyone here. But he never thought he would have to do it alone.

And for a moment Bellamy hated Clarke for leaving him. For leaving everyone behind. For trying to take all the pain and guilt upon herself as if somehow that would make it hurt less. As if it would take away the guilt that Bellamy had to carry. He still could see all the mountain men dead. The innocent. The children. All of them because of what they did.

There was no other way, but that never made him feel better. They were supposed to bear it together. Like they always did. He couldn't be angry at Clarke for long, but what emotions replaced his anger were more oppressive and persistent. Bellamy needed a drink.

He looked to the trees once more for any sign of Clarke's golden hair. He saw nothing. He turned his back from the trees and Abby and walked deeply into Camp Jaha at last. It was an amazing sight to behold. Both the young and old alike together once more. With no fear that the air they breath wouldn't last. So many families brought together again. He spotted Octavia, Lincoln, Jasper, and Monty sitting around a fire with others from the original hundred a few yards to his left. Bellamy saw them passing around a bottle of alcohol.

Most smiled and looked like the world had been set right. Except for Jasper, who held in his hands tightly his own personal bottle. Octavia sat closely next to Lincoln whispering into his ear, and him in hers. Monty seemed to be in his own world staring deeply into the flames before him. Bellamy thought about joining them, and then he decided against it. He needed to be alone.

It didn't take long for Bellamy to find a bottle of his own. Many were out in the open by every fire. On the Ark there was alcohol, but it was under strict control. Today it seemed that everyone wanted to put that life behind and start anew. Tonight was one to be celebrated. With lots of alcohol.

Bellamy took a bottle of scotch and found a dark and empty space by the edge of camp. A large broken piece of the Ark lay on the ground, and Bellamy sank to the ground with his back against it and opened the bottle unceremoniously. He took a swig of the scotch. It burned slightly, but it helped the thoughts of the day to ebb away slowly.

Bellamy tried not to think at all, but unwillingly images and memories of Clarke came to him with tortuous clarity. First the time he taught her to shoot a gun, and the way she loved it. That might have been the first time he had seen her truly happy about something.

Then the way their entire relationship changed that day when she said she needed him, which now seemed like an eternity ago. Him wanting to leave everything behind, and Clarke pulling him back from the edge. He took another swig from his bottle. And another. All of that guilt. No one had forgiven Bellamy for what he had done until Clarke. She had given him absolution, and with her everyone else. Letting Clarke leave alone weighed heavily on Bellamy now.

Another memory surfaced, of Clarke seeing Bellamy for the first time since she had closed the drop ship. Her smile and embrace. It had surprised Bellamy at first. Clarke and Bellamy had been leaders together. Friends even. But he didn't realize how much she cared if he lived or died until that moment. Although she was small, her hug was warm and strong.

Bellamy took one more. Two more. Three more swigs from his bottle of scotch. Bellamy couldn't tell if he was drunk or not, but he wished he was. His vision blurred but he realized he had started to cry. He wiped away his tears angrily from his face.

Bellamy needed Clarke. He hadn't realized how much he had come to depend on her. She made him want to float himself sometimes, but he respected her like no one else. Her bravery and wit were irreplaceable, and now she was just gone.

Bellamy wasn't a fool enough to think he could go and find her. She would never forgive him if he left their people, and risked his life to find her when she didn't want to be found. But Bellamy still wanted to. He wanted to go find her and save her from herself. He wanted to be her hero. Instead he was sitting under the stars alone drinking for both of them. Bellamy raised his bottle into the air.

"To the sky people. And Clarke, may we meet again." Okay, so maybe he was drunk.

Bellamy placed the cap back on his bottle now half empty and unsteadily stood up. He wouldn't finish his scotch tonight. He would save a drink for him and Clarke. They would meet again. That's what they always did. And when they did they would share a drink and celebrate.

Bellamy walked once more towards the entrance of Camp Jaha as if pulled to it against his will. Abby, was no longer standing waiting for Clarke, and the rest of the camp had become quiet and peaceful. Most people were sleeping or whispering around the dying fires.

Bellamy looked out not surprised at all to see nothing but trees. He wondered where Clarke was. If she was in the forests by a fire of her own, or maybe she went back to the drop ship where everything had started. Maybe even back to Mnt. Weather.

Wherever she was Bellamy wished she knew she wasn't alone. That she didn't have to be alone. And that when she decided that she didn't need to be alone, that he would be here waiting for her. Waiting with a million questions and a saved bottle of scotch to share for the day they meet again.

 **A/N: This is how I deal with Bellarke/the 100 withdrawals. Seriously guys this hiatus is killing me, thank goodness we only have a month left. Here is just a little story that's been stuck in my head about what Bellamy did once Clarke left. It's based on how she asked him to have a drink for her in their goodbye scene in "Blood Must Have Blood pt2". I may be convinced to write a part 2 for this in Clarke's Pov if this gets enough positive feedback.**


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

The sun was sinking low as Clarke made her way through the trees. It had been almost two days since she had left Camp Jaha, and each step she took seemed to weigh heavier than the last.

One step. Two. Three. A hundred. Each took her further from her people. The day she left, Clarke had promised herself she wouldn't look back. But after she had crossed the tree line, Clarke had looked behind her often.

She wasn't sure what she would find behind her. Maybe she was being paranoid, but Clarke felt as if something was constantly at her heels. She didn't know if it was guilt that followed her or something else. And just a small part of Clarke, a part she would never admit was there at all, had hoped that it was _someone_ that was following her.

By the time Clarke reached her destination, the moon shone luminously through the trees lighting her path. Now that she stood in front of the tree she felt embarrassed. When Bellamy asked Clarke where she would go, she had no idea. She had wandered through the woods hoping time would guide her to where she needed to go.

She had started trekking to the dropship but couldn't bare the thought of seeing it again. She just couldn't go back to anywhere she had killed that many people again.

Then Clarke had gone to the bunker her and Finn had discovered what seemed like a lifetime ago. When she descended the ladder the stench of a rotting corpse embraced her senses. Death appeared to be following Clarke like a plague.

She sobbed inside the bunker, and nobody but the man Finn killed while trying to find her kept her company.

Everywhere Clarke thought of going was tainted with blood she had spilt. Then she thought of one place. A place where perhaps she could find a small bit of peace. This is the place Clarke had inspired Bellamy enough to continue to keep going.

He had remembered it so well he recited her own words back to her. She didn't know how being here could help. Maybe she was just punishing herself, but Clarke felt her emotions pour forth once more at the sight of the tree her and Bellamy became a team under.

A smile tugged at her lips, but it never showed.

The tree looked exactly the same, but Clarke felt so different from the girl she was when her and Bellamy sat under it. Clarke walked up to the tree and turned around back against the solid mass behind her. She sank down to the ground in one quiet motion.

She found herself relaxing and breathing deeply while taking in the beauty of the moon that shined above her. A shuffling noise to Clarke's left startled her out of her brief tranquility.

She jumped to her feet pulling her hidden gun from it's holster. Her eyes searched the area she heard the noise come from, but there was nothing there. She clutched her gun tightly. Clarke scanned her surroundings once more and once she was certain no one was there. She lowered her gun slowly then placed it back into it's holster. she fell back down against the tree angry with herself.

"Paranoid…" She muttered uselessly to herself.

She had been paranoid since she had left Mount Weather. She never felt alone. Sleep had eluded her because she only saw blood in her dreams. Her waking hours weren't any better.

She felt followed like she had after she had killed Finn. Only now there were children who couldn't find their mothers, fathers who wouldn't see their sons and daughters grow up. People who had helped her friends in Mount Weather she thought saw their faces behind every tree, especially Maya and President Wallace's. She felt as though they followed her every step.

Clarke never felt alone. However, under that tree she felt more alone than she ever had in her entire life. More alone than when she was in her prison cell on the ark. Even after Lexa had left her and her people to die at Mount Weather she felt more alone now.

She turned her head just slightly to her left looking upon the spot Bellamy had sat beside her last time she was here. They had stayed under the tree for quite some time after she had convinced him to stay. They didn't say anything really. They simply sat together and stared at the sky.

Clarke remembered vividly seeing a shooting star stretch quickly across the sky disappearing in the blink of an eye. It reminded her of something she had asked Bellamy not long before about wishes and shooting stars…

 _Can you wish on this kind of shooting star?_

 _I wouldn't even know what to wish for._

In that moment Clarke looked over at Bellamy. He looked sad and relieved something that only comes when carrying a burden for so long and then letting it go. He wore a million emotions on his face and Clarke studied every single one.

It was like he had cracked open right in front of her pouring out his soul. She felt saddened and even angry for Bellamy. The world had tore him so far away from who he wanted to be, and Clarke was starting to realize now more than ever that who he wanted to be was someone incredible. Someone who could shape the world. Maybe he already was that person.

Than a silly thought clouded her mind. While looking at Bellamy that night, she had an unshakable urge to kiss him. Her, Clarke Griffin, wanted to kiss Bellamy Blake.

It wasn't like it was unthinkable, after all Bellamy was very attractive. She knew it, everyone knew it, but she couldn't believe how much _she_ wanted to kiss him. At the time she thought she was still in love with Finn, and she was supposed to not trust Bellamy.

She did trust him though. She realized she trusted him more than anyone else on Earth, and Clarke Griffin wanted to kiss him more than anything right then and there. Something held her in place though.

A warning in her mind knew she couldn't shift their relationship any more that night. So she turned away and didn't really think about wishing stars or kissing her rebel co-leader again until two days ago.

She saw him standing alone right before she gave her final hug to Monty. Bellamy looked at her, and it was a look so pure and open she wished she could have run away than have to face him. But she couldn't do that to Bellamy. He deserved an explanation above anyone else. He deserved at least a goodbye. So Clarke stood her ground as he made his way to her side.

 _I think we deserve a drink._

He said it as if Clarke deserved anything but death. She couldn't think of anything she deserved less than a drink with Bellamy because maybe, just maybe he could make her smile and forget all the terrible thing she had done. Clarke didn't think she could ever deserve that.

They both faced the camp while speaking until Clarke said what she needed to say before she lost her resolve.

 _I'm not going in._

He looked at her then with complete understanding. His dark eyes peered into her own, and it scared her to feel so completely seen.

 _Clarke, if you need forgiveness I'll give that to you... You're forgiven._

She couldn't believe he had said that to her. That he remembered her words and stored them away for himself until that moment giving them back to her.

 _Please come inside?_

His voice. Bellamy Blake's voice. She couldn't look him directly in the eyes even though he tried to stay in her line of vision. He sounded so full of anguish and it physically made Clarke's heart ache, but she was more certain that she had to leave. She couldn't stay. Everywhere she went everything she loved died or left. She couldn't stay. She was bad for her people, and she couldn't face them.

 _Take care of them for me?_

Hurt. It was written on every part of his face. She looked him straight in the eyes. They looked like they carried the weight of the world, and she had to hold back tears in her own. He tried to get her to listen, but she knew she couldn't face them.

 _Seeing their faces everyday. It's just going to remind me of what I did to get them here-_

 _What WE did. You don't have to do this alone._

Now her vision blurred tears truly threatening to stream down her face, and if she didn't leave soon she knew she would stay, and she couldn't stay. She looked over at the camp for the last time. A phrase Bellamy said before they pulled the lever at Mount Weather came to her. He had said "My sister, my responsibility." Well these were her people, her responsibility.

 _I bear it so they don't have to._

His eyes pleaded with her. He struggled with what to say, but Clarke thought he finally realized she wouldn't stay. That she couldn't.

 _Where are you gonna go?_

 _I don't know._

His eyes were filled with unshed tears, and he struggled for more words ending with nothing but empty air between the two. Once again a million emotions danced upon his face and Clarke, for just a second, glanced down towards his lips.

From his lips fell so many words. Whether it was beautiful and moving speeches, a handed down nickname, or words that fell from her own lips first, Clarke would miss his words most of all. He truly could help shape this new world their people would create.

She wanted to kiss him. To kiss her old enemy. Her co-leader. Her friend. She wanted to kiss him more than she wanted to kiss anyone in her entire life, but she couldn't.

She couldn't kiss Bellamy and then leave. It wouldn't be fair to either of them, and she wasn't sure he would even want her kiss. However, Clarke was resolved so she quickly leaned in and kissed Bellamy's cheek.

She breathed him in and hugged him like she had the day they reunited with her chin against his shoulder clinging to him like he would disappear before her own eyes if she didn't. He hugged her back hands brushing into her hair ever so gently.

She _had_ to go.

Whispering into his ear the last thing she would say. It wasn't a promise. It was a prayer. One that she would never cease to pray.

 _May we meet again._

She pulled away, and he let her go. Looking into his face for the last time and turning away. She thought she heard him say something, but she couldn't look back. She had to be strong. So she left with an unknown destination that lead her here. To their tree.

She briefly imagined what it might have been like if Bellamy was with her. What he would say, and it broke her. Before she knew it Clarke was crying. Terrible choking sobs racked her entire body. She felt suffocated and so desperately alone.

Clarke pulled out her gun once more and put it to her head. She had entertained the idea every step she took since leaving Camp Jaha, and now she felt ready. She felt the cool metal rest against her temple. She breathed in and out to stop the shaking in her hands. She looked up at the dark sky with glowing stars.

"On three." She said.

"One." Clarke whispered.

"Two." She said tears still rolling down to her chin.

"Please forgive me."

And more quietly up to the stars she whispered "May we meet again."

Right before she said three something almost supernatural happened. Clarke wasn't sure she believed in anything like that, but what she saw stopped her hand. Stars were falling. Not just one but many. It must be a meteor shower she realized. It made the sky look even more beautiful. Clarke wondered if it was a sign.

It was as if the heavens themselves asked Clarke to wish upon a real shooting star.

Then unexpectedly, she laughed, dropping her gun on the ground. It was a small sardonic laugh.

"I wouldn't even know what to wish for." She smiled softly to herself.

A heavy feeling of unease rested on Clarke's conscience. She almost killed herself. She had wanted to kill herself. She might still yet, but not here. Not in this place that held a tangible hope and memories she wouldn't wash away with blood. Clarke couldn't die. She didn't even deserve the surrender of death.

What did she deserve? To that Clarke had no answer, but she knew what she wanted. Clarke wanted a drink. Something to numb the feeling of terror every time she peered over her shoulders, and to drag her into a dreamless sleep.

 _I think we deserve a drink._

Maybe someday Clarke thought. Lowering to the ground, eyes drooping, Clarke fell into another restless sleep with one thought on her mind as she drifted slowly away.

 _Save me a drink, Bellamy Blake. May we meet again._

 **A/N:** This chapter is brought to you by all your positive reviews, and my persistent imagination. Seriously, thank you so much for your kind words they make my day knowing someone read my story and loved it. Please drop a comment and let me know what you thought of my part 2.


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